Friends like these
by astraea2
Summary: Post-Wrecked, the Scoobies find out about the naughty goings-on, and react as calmly as you'd expect.


Disclaimer: So not mine. Which is probably good. Plants and small animals spontaneously curl up and die at my approach. Imagine what I'd do to a Hellmouth. Joss looks after them better. Sigh.

Rating: R

Pairing: S/B

Timeline: S6, post-Wrecked, because there haven't been enough of those (?)

Author's note: This was the first fic I wrote, pretty much abandoned because, hey, I hadn't written anything more creative than a birthday card in many a fine year. But it's been recalled and prettied up and most of the diabolical mistakes-from-hell removed (crosses fingers and hopes for best). 

_*************************************************************_

_Oh god. Gotta stop doing this. Disgusting and depraved and wrong, wrong, wrong. And, oh god. Really good. Maybe tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow. _

He threw her against the wall and kissed her. Strong arms holding her. Shivers down her spine. She was really sure she hadn't planned a repeat performance but somehow… Oh god…

_Yeah, just happened to be passing by….._

"Bloody hell," he hissed as she hurled him backwards, pinning him to the ground and knocking his bleached head against the concrete. "You know the problem here - unfair playing ground. Bloody slayer strength!"

 She caught a glimpse of the smirk on his face as she bent to kiss him. Catching her hands, he rolled the squirming Slayer onto her back, then dragged her to her feet. "Only one solution to that, love."

"Thought you wanted to go to bed?" she taunted, as he pulled her across the room.

"Plenty of time for that, I'm in no hurry," came the reply, a triumphant smile passing over his face as he pushed her back against the cold stone wall and held one arm above her head. _Caught.  Problem with playing games in a crypt - shackles on the walls._

"Spike, are you actually out of your mind?" she gasped. "What unwell part of your sick little mind thinks that you're not going to get dusted tomorrow?" 

Absolutely no use. He had already seen half a smile. At his sheer cheek, not his stupid handcuffs, but still, enough that before she knew it the other arm was caught too.

What was going on? She used to be able to beat this guy easy. 

_With one hand tied behind her back…_

"Spike!" She tried to insert a little authority into her voice. "You really can't be serious here.  Anyway, you know I could probably kill you with my legs?"

"Countin' on it, pet," he murmured into her neck, his mouth travelling lower and lower.

_Okay, he's really asking for it, thought the small rational part of her mind, determined resolution sort of spoiled by the sound of the long moan that escaped her throat._

"Fuck!" he roared, flying six feet through the air. Hitting the ground with a bone-crushing thump, he looked up to see her laugh. _Good to see. Not a common sight these days. Would be nice if his ass being kicked wasn't the cause, but still, not bad for a start._

"Alright", he growled, advancing towards her, "Happy as we all are to have you alive and *kicking*…"

It was only on the Hellmouth, Buffy reflected bitterly afterwards, that your best friend walks in to find you shackled to the wall of a crypt about to have amazing sex with your enemy the vampire. Mind-blowing sex.  _Evil vampire._

"You filthy, would-be pile of dust!" said Xander, as the look of incomprehension turned to anger. "What? What are you doing?"

Buffy felt a certain level of relief that the question didn't seem to be addressed to her. She could even raise a weak smile as, for the second time in as many moments, Spike went flying across his own crypt. 

There was also that look on his face as he tried to choose between accepting the inner and outer pain of being beaten up by Xander and the certain result of trying to fight back. The chip won. 

"You think this is funny?" he turned on her. "Just you remember, you I can hit!"

"Not when you fit in an ashtray!" yelled Xander, making a move to hit him again.

"Xander! Stop!" As soon as she heard her own voice echoing in the crypt Buffy began to wish she hadn't spoken. It was the way Xander turned and looked at her. And the horror on his face.

"B-buffy?" he yelped. "Not Buffybot?"

And why hadn't she thought of that one?

"Yes" drawled a voice from the floor. "Actual, slayer, Buffy, Able to look after herself. So why don't the pair of you SOD OFF!" He hurled the keys at Xanders head, "And let the undead get some bloody rest."

He vanished into the back of the room and Buffy felt a tinge of regret. But above all, and this couldn't be mistaken, there was the humiliation. 

They barely spoke on the way back to her house. She couldn't quite meet Xander's eyes, and anyway, he kept muttering things about "Understandable, yeah, it's okay". He left her at the door and kept walking, still looking slightly dazed.

******

"No, _really! I don't think you understand. I mean - really!" he yelled at Willow, continuing to pace._

Willow frowned. "I think I've got the picture. Really-Buffy with Really-Spike. It's not good. And Xander, quit with the pacing, I'm trying to think."

"You think you have the picture? I will have the picture for the rest of my natural *life*! And it's worse that that. It's worse than anything. She was all, like…."

"She was like what?"

"Oh no, don't make me say it. Enjoying it. Thanks, Will. Now I can never sleep again. And me, the idiot, I think it's the Buffybot. I think that the disgusting evil vampire has resurrected his favourite toy."

Willow was quiet for a moment. "No, we did that," she said softly.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Don't you get it? That this is all our fault? I knew Buffy was having, you know, problems adjusting to, you know, everything. But, think how bad things must be if, well, you know."

"Yeah, I know, in that I saw the live show. Oh god, I have a little bit of a feeling I may not have entirely helped."

"I think it's sort of understandable. You know, if she can't be in heaven then..."

"Yeah, well sex with Spike should be a good substitute for hell. What are we supposed to do about this? Cos me, I'm voting for the stabbing with a little pointy stick option."

"No, hang on. I have a sort of an idea. But it's magick, and I know you guys aren't too cool with the idea at the moment."

Xander shrugged. "No guys, just you and me. We sort this one out, before it goes any further and before anyone finds out. If this is our fault then we fix it. And magic is _totally cool, though I'm still for the hands on violence approach."_

Willow shot him a glance of rebuke as she flipped through a book.

"What's the spell? Can we make his head explode? Come on, can we? Nothing says 'how dare you take advantage of our grieving friend'  better than the old exploding head. You know you want to!"

"Better plan." said Willow tersely as she headed out the door.

"Any chance of another forgetting spell in the meantime?"

*****

"Buffy and Spike!" came a sing-song chant from the door. Buffy looked up from the not-watching of TV, to see her sister grinning.

"Dawn, what are you singing about?"

"Oh come on! Not eleven! I know when things are going on!"

She saw Buffy's raised eyebrows and hastily continued "Okay, heard Xander doing a whole lot of yelling. Boy, he really doesn't like Spike. I don't think he ever really got over the whole you know, "Spike the evil vamp" thing. I'm sooo glad you have! Spike's the coolest. And I'm not even jealous!" She threw herself down beside her sister with an excited giggle.

"Dawn, what in the name of god are you talking about? And I wish Xander could have kept his big mouth shut in front of you at least. And Spike *is* an evil vampire. And there is no 'getting over!'"

"But Buffy, you were like, with him. Weren't you?" 

Buffy groaned. "Look Dawn, I'm really sorry about all of this. This has been a big, horrible mistake. All bad. The kind you can only make when your life is all totally messed up and you don't know what you're doing. It was never supposed to happen and I'm sorry, really. I didn't want you messed up in all of this."

"You're sorry? To me? And what about Spike?"

Buffy almost laughed. " Spike? What were you expecting? White wedding?"

"This is a joke to you! Do you even care that he loves you? Do you even care that he spent this summer looking after me, and crying over you being gone and now you just act like he's a THING!" Dawn screamed in rage and frustration, battering the back of the chair with her fist as he leapt to her feet.. 

How did this happen? How did they go from actually getting along, and, wow, Dawn smiling, all the way back to the screaming temper tantrums? Buffy took a calming breath and tried to start again.

"Look, I know you  - like – him. And I know that he's looked out for you. But yeah, he's a vampire. With no soul!" She added quickly, well aware of the next argument.

"Chip," muttered Dawn, teary and sulky.

"But it's not…."

"It is too the same thing. Better. Doesn't lose it so easily, does he?" And Dawn, having had the final word, left the room without turning back.

*****

At the magick shop, Willows eyes flashed black as she uttered,

"With my offer I implore

 Let this black love be no more"

"What does it do? What does it do?" demanded Xander, dripping candle wax uncomfortably close to Willow's new shoes.

"Solves our little problem," she replied with a small smile.

*****

Buffy found herself wandering far to close to Spike's crypt. How does this happen, she asked herself. I have got to keep away from the guy. And listening to Dawn? Well, that was a good way to end up even crazier than you started out. It's not that she couldn't see her sister's point, well sort of. But this whole thing was just insanity. 

"I'm probably clinically insane," she said aloud and laughed a little at her own words. 

Can't love a vampire. Could never love *this* vampire. No fuzzy feelings, no overpowering physical attraction. But she needed to talk to him. 

"Hey!" she said softly as she poked her head around his door.

"Slayer. Come to pay me a little visit." He said it pleasantly but his eyes were cold. 

Damn him anyway, slouched on the bed, looking all mean and moody. Couldn't he ever wear clothes? He stood up from the bed. At least there were trousers, she thought, with some regret. She tried to concentrate on his head.

"Okay grouchy, all apologies about earlier but…." 

Her words were stopped by his fist connecting heavily with her mouth. She picked herself up and stared at him in amazement. "What the hell is your problem?!" She advanced toward him but came to a stop inches from him. He remained motionless. And there was still that look in his eyes. _Or an absence of a look, she thought. __What is this?_

"I don't see a problem," he said calmly. "I see a Slayer in my house and I don't see no stake."

He punched her so hard she hit the other side of the room. She got up gingerly.

 "Spike? What's wrong with you? What is this?" She blocked his advancing blows and kicked him, hard. If this was a game, there was something different about it.

 Hard, mocking laughter. 

"Oh come on, Slayer, give me a proper fight. I know you came back wrong but this is ridiculous. You're fighting like a girl, you know". 

A wave of fear passed through Buffy, as she fought to defend herself from fists and boots.. His face morphed before her eyes as he kicked her viciously to the ground. Of course this was how it was. This is what happens with vampires and monsters. This was her life. And this was *exactly* what she had said all along, she realised with very bitter triumph. And he had said…

"You said you loved me!" she yelled, a wave of anger hitting her as he knocked  her to the ground and kicked her viciously.

The sound of his laugh turned her cold. 

"Well isn't this just adorable. What'd they do to you, Slayer? Spell? You think I could ever kick be  such a pillock kick as my sire? Though come to think of it, din't he want to kill you as well?"

Starting to realise that this was serious, Buffy ran, mortified by the tears she found in her eyes. She couldn't do this. This wasn't a fight she could win and this wasn't a vampire she could slay. 

*****

Willow peered around the door. "Hey Buff. You okay?" She didn't look okay, thought Willow. She was slumped on the sofa with her head half buried in the cushions.

"Oh yeah. You know me and the joy that is my life," came the reply with a pathetic attempt at a smile. "What's with all the goodie bags?"

Willow grinned proudly. "Thought you could do with some cheerin' up. We have the ice cream, we have chocolate, loadsa girlie films. Not that kind of… you know what I mean!" she added hastily.

"So you've been hearing at least some of the joy that is my life then?" Buffy adjusted her position on the sofa to see her friend better without making any serious attempt to get up.

"Well I was kinda talking to Xander…."

"God, is there anyone he hasn't told? Did the boy ever think of a career in the media? Did he get through to Giles yet? Cos you know, I'm sure Giles would really love to hear all the gory details!"

"You know we're just worried. No judgement, I promise. But, well, can't you see why we're worried?"

"Oh yeah. The Buffy Track History, Part 1, misbehave with vampire. Leading directly to: Part 2, be responsible for psychotic vampire, death of loved ones and possible apocalypse. No,I get with the worry."

Willow frowned slightly. "That's not quite what we were thinking. We're concerned about you." She broke off with a gasp as Buffy raised her head and turned to her friend, revealing the side of her face that was still black and blue.

"We got onto Part 2 pretty fast." She began to sob quietly and Willow put her arms around her.

"Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry. This wasn't what I meant to happen!" she gasped "I don't understand!"

Buffy pulled away and looked at her, understanding slowly dawning.

"You did something," she said with a choke in her voice. "You did something," she repeated more steadily.

"It was harmless. It was a, a sort of anti-love spell. You know, stop Spike following you around. I thought it would, you know, remove the temptation," her voice faltered as she looked at her friend.

_Exactly what I wanted, thought Buffy bitterly. _

"So you played god. Which you're so very good at. And now instead of a lovesick and mildly annoying vampire who I can deal with perfectly well I have a powerful and psychotic vampire who wants me dead." The tremble in her voice was now anger.

"You were dealing? Sleeping with the vampire is dealing? Look, I am sorry and I didn't mean for it to work this way, but maybe you needed to see him for what he really is. He's a killer Buffy, you've always said it. At the end of the day…"

"At the end of the day he's what you've made him!" screamed Dawn from the door. "And you just better fix it!"

Buffy turned around. "You're gonna have to give up the listening at doors, Dawnie," she said, the anger on her face replaced with a rueful smile.

"You don't understand, Dawnie, you're too young," began Willow but was silenced by the look of pure anger on Dawn's face.

Willow glared at them both. "I'll fix it, I'll fix it," she muttered as she turned to leave the room, walking past the scowling Dawn.

Dawn sat down beside Buffy, looking at her face with concern. "Looks pretty bad." She gazed, fascinated. "Does it hurt?"

"Hey, slayer here. I'll be all fixed by morning."

"And you didn't kill him, huh?"

Buffy thought she could detect a certain smugness in her sister's voice.

"Shouldn't be you be on my side?" she asked with a smile. "Anyway, that doesn't mean anything!"

"Sure. But I'm glad. You know he'd never hurt you. Not *really* him. Bloody Willow," Dawn finished self consciously.

Buffy smothered a laugh. "Alright missy, bad or not so very bad, you are not hanging out with him if you're going to pick up stuff like that! It'd be like living with Giles!"

"No English swear words," agreed Dawn, giving her a hug that hurt more than Buffy was prepared to admit. "Sleep tight and get all heal-y."

*****

Dawn wasn't gone long when she heard the knock at the door. The one she's been expecting.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly.

"Haven't had a chance to revoke the last invitation," she replied, not meeting his eyes.

"That wasn't what I meant, love."

"Come in, just into the hall." She looked at him, vaguely suspicious. Was this evil-Spike? Her-Spike? Since when was there a her-Spike?

"Look, still a bit in the dark about what happened today, but Buffy..." he looked imploringly into her eyes, wincing as he took in the state of her face.

"I know, you'd never hurt me," she finished tiredly.

"You'd better know it! I'd cut my own hands off before I did this. What was it anyway? The spell thing? Demon?"

"Willow." She winced at the idea. Demons and Willow should not seem united as the forces of darkness. Leaving Spike as what? _Good?_

"Spike, I know what you're saying and I'm not blaming you but this was a rough day, really rough, and I can't deal with stuff at the moment."

He stared at her. "They've got to you," he said, accusingly. "You're thinkin' 'Big Bad, can never really be trusted. Might wake up some morning with my neck bitten off!' Bloody Willow."

She couldn't help but smile at the déjà vu. 

"She could have taken the bloody chip out while she was convincing you that I was the big hell beastie. Maybe then I could sort her out too!" He stopped this train of thought as he noticed that Buffy's amusement was short lived.

"Okay," he said, hands in the air, taking a step backwards. "Give you space. Let you sort things out. But I do know what you're thinking about today. Just you remember. I don't hurt you. And I don't leave."

He took two quick steps towards her and kissed her gently on the top of the head.

She leaned her head against the doorframe and watched as he walked away.


End file.
